My Impulsive Brain

Most of my writing nowadays is created by impulse. It goes something like this…I wake up really early in the morning with a brain itch, and I start scratching out words into a body of thoughts and feelings, until it seems clear enough to share with other people, without being contaminated by my self doubt. It’s almost as if my art is to paint myself and what I’m all about with a different body. They say energy can change from one form to another, but it cannot be created or destroyed. I have no real agenda for this blog. It’s not my business, and I don’t make any money from it. As such, I don’t have to worry about what people think. There’s no walking on egg shells for me to make sure everyone is feeling okay about all the words I write. Anyone who doesn’t like my words, won’t read them, and that’s all I expect. This blog is more like an exercise in my humanity—it’s my way of becoming more of myself, of letting the real me out, knocking down the walls that keep me constrained and hidden. Writing to me is freedom, and that’s what this is all about. Hence, my slogan, “Time to get real.”

So I had a talk, or rather a gentle debate, with someone about God and the Bible. It was actually about me not accepting the idea that every scripture in the Bible was purely written by God through human beings and magically enters our minds to convey the same universal lesson to every person who reads it. It came up that God is unchanging and that the “us” (which God refers to when he speaks of himself in the plural, in Book of Genesis) is the Father-Son and Holy Spirit, a wholly male-spirit construct. Why is it that the Bible depicts God as male alone? I wonder. And how is it that this male “we” was able to impregnate a human woman without sperm? I wonder again. And if God can possess someone to write a text exactly as he wants it written, why then do you find it unbelievable that the same God has possessed me to ask these questions and seek the answers? Such questions like, if we look at Jesus Christ’s DNA, what would we find?

What certain people tell me is that I must not ask these questions, because asking such questions, being curious is just wrong and ungodly. I laugh because this is the same story yesterday as it is today. Isn’t this why Michelangelo encoded messages in his paintings? The church forbade people to speak about certain things, and ask certain questions, without offering any explanation. Just look at what happened last year in the United States; a certain side of politics was not allowed to ask controversial questions in public and was silenced or denied platforms to debate. We are not allowed to remember Dr. Seuss or the Potato Heads, or Pepe Le Pew. We must cancel collective memories and creations, because they came from flawed human beings who were influenced and manipulated by their cultures in a way that is considered to be “privileged” or not fitting with the times. Having such memories is evil and we are evil, so they say. But it’s okay to teach a bunch of 8-year olds that we can become a man if we we were born a woman or a woman if we were born a man, or that something is wrong with us if we are born as both. We can’t remember Dr. Seuss in children’s books, but Lucifer in music videos is cool.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t diversity about respecting all people and their beliefs and behaviors, so long as they are not harming each other? Just because we don’t like those nasty mosquitoes, do we really have a right to eradicate them from the earth and how would this disturb the ecosystem and nature as a result? Didn’t Hitler try to eradicate a certain people and to recreate his perfect idea of humanity? People are trying to play God, to forcibly recreate humanity the way they want humanity to be…all the way down to money…but they aren’t God and that ain’t their job or their right, and they are rattling the forces within the volcano of nature that’s going to end in a mind-boggling explosion. Not a bad thing at all, so I don’t fight it. I don’t resist at all. We need renewal, badly, and we must take the destruction that comes first, like bad medicine.

As I’ve written before, I love Jesus, and I don’t really care if he was Black or White or whatever. Fact is I can never fully embrace a story that goes against my understanding of how things work from a natural organic viewpoint in relationship, or from the natural order in which relationships evolve. Absolutely everything that is real is built on its relational construct to something else. It is this that makes it real. Hot is hot because we understand cold. Could you understand hot without cold? Dark is understood because we have experienced the light. Would you even know that you are in the dark if you didn’t have memory of light? Even the smallest things we understand like gluons and quarks are in relationship with one another and depend on one another for their existence. Britannica reads, “Gluon is the so-called messenger particle of the strong nuclear force, which binds subatomic particles known as quarks within the protons and neutrons of stable matter as well as within heavier, short-lived particles created at high energies.” So either somehow God changed nature and energy to impregnate a human woman without sperm, or there’s something else we are missing that we should seek to understand. Isn’t that right?

When we get down to the basics of everything, there are letters and numbers, and this is the realm of God (language and mathematics). God actually “spoke” everything into existence according to Genesis. So when I approach the Bible, and the Old Testament, and the New, I don’t see a magic book. What I see are two congruous stories which are not the Old Testament and the New Testament. These two stories in their relationship with each other make up at least part of the evolution of man’s relationship with God, through man’s evolving viewpoint of that relationship. Man could only write the text from his own constructs of reality. In this sense, God doesn’t change, and man doesn’t really change either, but man’s understanding of God does and his relationship to God changes also, or goes through cycles of change and evolution. I change by reading the Bible….like two hydrogen atoms bond with a oxygen atom. Something happens in my psyche that I cannot explain. But that’s the beauty of all written language; we interact with it. It all becomes alive within us, an ecosystem of information, energy, thoughts and feelings.

The two stories that I see are 1. Creation, man’s original purpose, and divergence from that purpose (there’s a lot to unpack there). 2. Choice. God “chose” a people enslaved and led them out of this slavery that they had inflicted upon themselves through their own choices. God leads them into a new social and economic order (ongoing process) and ultimately back to their original purpose. We then get to “choose” God through Christ or love.  I say love because it’s a universal language, and what Jesus Christ is to me is love. And this makes sense as one side of the God who calls himself a “we” and “us” and “I”. God’s love and his judgement are two sides of the same relationship. Water can kill us (tsunami, flood, hurricane, drowning) but we need water for survival. Fire can kill us (reducing us to ash), but we need fire to survive here on earth, and the earth needs both fire and water too. What kind of relationship do you have with water and fire? How is your energy resonating with the earth? And how is it resonating with God who is the one who brings it all together and makes it real? How is it all influenced by your choices?

We like to make good and bad guys out of nature. We watch cartoons about lions who can talk and love and think-feel like we do, learning lessons and growing intellectually. Yet a lion was made to kill and eat meat, to devour that little Bambi friend in the woods. Why is that? Did God make a mistake? Why is it we can eat plants and not feel bad about it, but there’s a whole group of people who believe that eating animals is cruel? Isn’t a garden of plants the same as a farm of animals? I know, it’s hard to think about, but plants are living beings too! Mammals are closer to us in their form, but they are not us. My point is we all have a perspective about ourselves and our world, and it’s flawed. The only way we can truly purify our perspectives is to listen to things we don’t want to hear, think critically about what they have to say (what they have seen that is different from what we have seen), and debate. That’s how we evolve, through each other and with each other. What happens when we refuse to listen? When we refuse to talk about things that frighten us? Conspiracy, polarization, and war.

I am all for the Bible and I love reading it but I won’t let anyone tell me what it says or what it means. The Bible’s language is a bridge between me and something bigger than me. I can feel the Bible is a living breathing bridge to something greater than myself, to understanding God, but through limited patriarchal societies and perspectives. Nobody has to tell me that or interpret it for me. It is language and stories preserved through writing from the perspective of men in relationship to nature, humanity, and God through recorded history. The Bible is indeed an incredible book of books, and not only a book of books, but a collective historical “being” of bridges, which awakens something within us and makes us think and feel. In this sense it is magical, not because it makes us all see the same things, but because it awakens differences. That’s the beauty of oral language and written language. It moves us all in everything we are and all we do. But anyone who does not have the privilege to be able to read and write and think in the same way that “educated” people do (by having a relationship with written text) is not going to burn in the fire of hell. That’s not what this book is about. This book helps you see, if you let it. But it can blind you just as much, exactly like fire and water can nurture life and destroy.

I’m going to read the book of Job soon. I hope I get some more insight into what appears to be a very hard story to understand in the context of God’s character as we want to believe and understand it….like we want to believe that we can hug a lion and it will love us. Jesus isn’t all that easy to understand either sometimes: “But I will warn you whom to fear: fear him who, after he has killed, has authority to cast into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him!” (Luke 12:5, ESV) Certainly we shouldn’t take our relationship with nature and each other and God for granted. We should be afraid of losing the things we love about ourselves and life. Fear is a necessary feeling that guides our survival as a species. It has a purpose and it isn’t evil. These are the ideas we need to awaken to and really understand….and in order for people to do that legitimately, they have to stop listening and following blindly, and start researching and thinking for themselves. Listening to someone and finding out if they are credible is not the same as listening to people who aren’t “credible” and going to investigate the source.

Like 2 hydrogen atoms and 1 oxygen atom create water, the stories in the Bible, mixed with my energy (thoughts and feelings) create something new, which I try to share with people. I encourage everyone who can read the Bible to do it, and share what you see, rather than listen blindly to what people tell you about it and follow. We need to out of our own world view and grow. I still have a long way to go, but reading the Bible is quite a fascinating experience, not a boring one. If you approach it from a relational position, from your own DNA, thoughts, and feelings….and you really try to understand this “being”….you will be amazed at what comes out of yourself and what you alone discover by crossing the bridges through this relationship. But you can only really understand anything or anyone if your approach it through a loving and open perspective. When you love your neighbor as yourself, you want to learn from them as much as you have to teach them….not more or less. Relationship is the life blood of everything that grows, especially knowledge and wisdom.

The brain is a sort of muscle, like the heart, but different. You have to use it to make it stronger. You have to invite what you fear inside and then work it out. Just like you work out your muscles, by breaking them down first and allowing them to rebuild, you have to do the same thing with your mind. Quite often, this means unlearning things and facing painful realities.  I find it so ironic that the same people who accuse Christians of being close-minded and blind are close-minded and blind themselves. Your brain gets tired and sore from sifting through information, but it gets stronger as you work through it and process. As you communicate to other people what you work through, they get curious and stronger too, and that’s how this all goes. That’s how peaceful change happens. It doesn’t happen by trying to erase ideas or eradicate people, and if you think it does, then you’re no better than Hitler himself. If you seek to understand people more than you try to prove you are right, you’ll go much farther in becoming a productive part of the intelligence of love and fulfilling your own unique purpose.



  1. Great posibilites BUT, God is Spirit. The apointing of a male substances is there because of the period the writings where given to be arranged for Yahways people plus the fact the world was controlled by men.

    Genesis refers to Mankind being created as God both male and female.

    Psalm 91:4
    Verse Concepts
    He will cover you with His pinions,
    And under His wings you may seek refuge;
    His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark.

    Pleae remember the Old Testament was written for The Jewish people. We do not follow the diet rules or observe their rules and days of holiday.

    When ever I study the Bible it starts with prayer to the Trinity for guidence and the turning off of my attempt to undrstand in my head or brain and turn on my heart to allow God to speak to me.
    It’s kind of seeking formation over information. All Bible study is great but leave room for god to speak to you in the reading.

    Keep on keeping on. Love you. Terry

  2. Thank you, Terry! I’ll keep that in mind for sure…all the better. Hugs, Wendy

Comments are closed